Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
