At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
