I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
