So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
