she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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