sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
