he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
