My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
