FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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