Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
