i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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