I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
