I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
