Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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