I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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