I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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