i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
