you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Do vagina's smell?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
