The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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