We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
