they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am available for nakedness
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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