No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize