the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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