nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
