first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
