a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
