help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
