I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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