somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
