I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
