If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
