I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize