Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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