Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
