he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
