I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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