and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
