Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
