I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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