I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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