So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
