Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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