Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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