Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
