Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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