I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
