I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
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Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
