You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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