Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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