I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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