Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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