we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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