I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
