My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
