so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
