sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
