Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
