Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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