What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
