i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
