I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
