garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
