using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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