i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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