my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is the high leading the old right now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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