My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
