id be glad to
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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