i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
