I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
