i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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