What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
