she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Vodka?
Forever.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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