How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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