Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
