my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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