Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
