I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
