why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
